Rebirth...

Two years ago, I was still working 40 hour work weeks and going to school full time, missing my husband, my Jordan and carrying a small miracle in my tummy, and wishing that I could live a life that was more fulfilling, rather than draining. And finally, after having been rushed to the hospital because of pre-eclampsia and giving birth to a micro preemie, I took the leap, and left my “work life” for a life of domestic bliss. I wanted to live a life of domesticity and creativity.

It hasn't always been easy. I've made several mistakes along the way: I've taken freelance gigs that seemed too good to be true (and were); I worried about our personal budget, and worried about the "recession". I’ve sacrificed a great deal of independence (financially) so that I may be available to my family whenever and however they need me. I’ve taken “shots” from people who do not believe in “stay at home Moms” or people who’ve tried to convince me that my little baby is good enough to go to daycare. But through it all, despite it all, I'm still here -- and frankly, happier than ever. And it turns out, two years later, there's one very important thing that I've learned, the one thing which, really, I always knew on a subconscious level, but have come to really consciously appreciate:

Intuition is a powerful thing.

In the past year, I've come to the unshakable belief that we have all the answers. Each of us does. That within us, if we just stop and listen, there is enough guidance to let us know whether the path we're about to take is the right one for ourselves. That if we all just take a moment to quiet our minds and listen to our hearts, we'll know exactly what to do.

That the secret to rebirth, to turning into exactly what we're meant to be is to just be still and listen. It's not always easy, but it is possible. It just takes practice. I'm not perfect at it, but I am getting there.

And believe me, if I can do it, so can you.

And to close, here's to learning to listen to our inner voices. May we all become as great as we were all meant to be.

My Wish Today...

I have been blessed with two of the most wonderful children in the world – both boys! And I love them very much. Lately though, I have been craving for a little girl. I don’t know what it is…I’m terrified of being pregnant again, especially now at my age and after having gone through what I did the last time around.

But today, all of those fears weren’t present. I was overcome with emotion as I walked past all these little frilly things for little girls. Somehow I think every mother should have at least one daughter.

My relationship with my mother is amazing! The older I get, the more I understand her. Don’t get me wrong, we fight! Oh do we ever?!!? But I wouldn’t trade my Mom for anything in this world. She and I have a bond that no one can break.

I want a smart, beautiful, compassionate, head strong and inquisitive daughter. I want a daughter who’s a version of me, minus the insecurities. I want a daughter who is me, only more beautiful inside and out. I want a daughter who has my husband’s kind heart and beautiful green eyes.


I want a daughter who can kick ass yet remain refined and poised. I want someone who will challenge me as much as my boys do.

That is my wish today.

I wish to have a chance to get pregnant again, to have a smooth flawless pregnancy, to hear “it’s a girl” nine months down the road.

I simply want a chance to raise a daughter.

But when I get pregnant and it’s a boy – well, that’s ok too.

NYC for the day...

I will write some more tomorrow and post some pics. We spent the day in NYC. MY brother, my sister in law and the two kiddies.

I swear, everytime I visit that place, I fall more and more in love with it. good night and see you all tomorrow!

Happy 2nd Birthday Little One!

2009 brought me...a teenager...and now a 2 year old....Much as I hate to admit it, I'm nervous. I feel nostalgic when birthdays come around. It's hard for me to imagine that two years ago today, my life was hanging on a balance. My first son was at school and my husband was changing duty stations when the doctors came in my room and said the most horrifying words I've ever heard. "We need to take the baby out, you're not gonna make it." I was afraid. All I could do was cry, a lot. Then I prayed, a lot. I was scared for Jordan if I didn't make it. I was scared for my husband because I didn't think I would make it in time. I was scared that I wouldn't have another chance to tell them how much I love them.

Against all odds, my husband made it in the operating room. Two hours and 45 minutes later, I became a Mommy all over again. I was glad that I made it. But my baby was very tiny. Very fragile. This time I cried for him. His prognosis was a bit grim. He only weighed 1 lb., 14 oz. - he fit comfortably in the palm of my hands. I've never seen a baby this tiny in my whole life.

We spent many many nights at the NICU.

We took him home from the hospital 3 months later - and there was absolutely nothing wrong with him. He was only 4 lbs when he came home but he didn't need any special treatment (oxygen, heart monitor, etc). His doctor said - "He just wanted to come out! He wanted to see the world."
And so the world, we will show him.
Every year he celebrates his birthday, I think of all the doctors and nurses who took very good care of him. And my family who supported me and who continued to pray for all of us while we were going through this. Thank you all.


Happy Birthday Little Man - we went through a lot you and I. You inspire all of us every day. We love you and may you have many many more birthdays to come!

How May I Serve You, my 13-year old Royal Highness

I thank my parents for letting me live. I have recently acquired a teenager!
Happy 13th Birthday Jordan!