How Long has it been....

I'm forgetting to do the things that I once loved doing. Ever since I started working, I've had a difficult time just doing the things I use to love doing while the kids and the hubby are away. I haven't picked up a paint brush in a while. I haven't taken a walk just to take pictures. There are no good excuses really - my heart just hasn't been in it. Life has been busy. I'm trying to build a life for my boys but what is the cost of all this? is there a balance?
Love,

2013 Wyoming Area Winter Formal

I get teary eyed every time I take pictures of Jordan. I don't know if its because he's growing up way too fast and there's not too many more days like these. This was taken the day of his winter formal - He and his friends looked really good.... and they seem to have a good time. 

40 and still figuring things out...and that's ok...

I recently turned 40 years old! Wow, time flew really fast it seems. Today, I have two wonderful children and a sweet husband. I'm a stay at home Mom and wife. Ordinarily, I would fight the title - but today, I am ok trying to figure things out and just enjoying all the blessings bestowed upon me and my family. Our life is not perfect by any means but we're a team and we support and love each other no matter what.

Today my thoughts are all about "how do I go about doing this or that?". I've always been a very creative soul. I do crafts, I make things, I write, etc. To some people, I am extremely organized. But today it seems I can't get my mind straight. Take this blog for example. This started off as a journal about me and my family. I had one with all my creative miracles but I took it down because I found it a bit scattered. So now my dilemma is this.......... should I start a new one? Filled with all the creative stuff I make? Or should I include it here in my personal blog?

Decisions....decisions....

I thought about going back to work as well. Full time. But everytime I do, something happens. I'm very conflicted with the scheduling and being available to my kids. Living so far away from my family, its difficult to make such decision since I am the sole caretaker of the kids. If one of them gets sick, I have to stay home. E and I made a decision a long time ago for me to stay home. I am very happy to oblige except that there are days I feel bad that I am not contributing financially. There are things that I want to do for my boys but have to hold off because there's not enough money. We have everything we need but its the little things that I wish I could give them and I can only do that by working.

All in God's hands....

Gloom Day...Go Away...

January 30, 2013

          4535 Croyden Avenue, New Orleans, LA 70131….

It’s dark and gloomy and rainy outside. It reminded me of our last days at Croyden. The house in Croyden was a very small house. Not tiny but certainly not built to house 5 people. My grandmother let us stay in this house for free shortly after my Mom lost her job. This house was the last house all five of us lived together. I don’t remember how many happy days we had there. My parents and I fought a lot. My sister was still so young, she was 12. Thank God for her friend Jamie and Alice Hart School. My brother and I stayed busy working and hanging out with the same group of friends. Our weekends were always spent together and we always had fun.

Today though, my memory of that house touches a part of my heart and it hurts. I left this house at 19 to move in with Jeff. I didn't tell my parents. I just took the opportunity to leave when my Dad and my sister went around the block to buy bread. I can still see my brother standing by the door way as we drove away. He knew I was leaving. He was very sad, I could tell. I didn't know what I was thinking that day but I was so insistent on leaving.

As I looked outside my window today, the view of the sky reminded me of that day and I just felt extremely sad. I felt a twinge in my heart that I shouldn't feel – after all, its been 28 years. But it just made me realize the pain I caused my family. I know for some this might not be a big deal. I was a teenager wanting to escape and wanting to spread my wings. But I know I went about it the wrong way. I was a big sister to two siblings and I wasn't such a great example to them. I wish I could have done more. I wish I could have been a good example to them both. When I remember the look on my brother’s face standing by the door and remembering my sisters letters pleading that I come home, its heartbreaking. We’re all still very close today but there are days like this. When it’s gloomy outside and all I could think about are the days so many years ago.

I’d like to think that I have done a lot of good since then, but I can’t let this go. I've done so many things that I wish I could change. I seem to not have done more than what I could have. I want to do that now. For my family. I want to be able to help them as much as I can without sacrificing my boys.

I want my heart to heal. 

Report Card Day

November 14 was report card day. It's the first year I am having to pick up a report card for Joey....he did well! We still have to manage self-control and attention span. I have to admit once in a while, this worries me. I'd like to think that he's just being a kid - but what if this becomes worse than what I'm thinking? (keeping my fingers crossed its not). Jordan did magnificent on his report card too. Last year was such a struggle for all of us. Passing 10th grade was nothing short of a miracle. I wish I could take the credit for the amazing change. I believe that patience works. I'm very proud of my kids.....

Halloween 2012

We didn't think Halloween was going to happen this year. With the impending arrival of Hurricane Sandy, schools were closed and it rained non-stop for a few days. Luckily, Joey had a party at school, so the costume wasn't such a waste. (I still can't believe how expensive costumes are nowadays) They had a parade around the block of their school to show off their costumes, then they had a party at the cafeteria. The kids were absolutely adorable and so funny! Makes me miss my childhood days!

I'm Going to Get Better At this....eventually...

So many things are happening in my life right now and so many things have changed and I always forget to "post". Speedy update - Joey is now in Kindergarten, Jordan is a junior in high school and I am also back in school at Capella. I started working a merchandising position to  supplement the income and to just get out of the house for a little bit but the driving became too much for me. So, I'm a stay at home again...
I'm not complaining, I stay very busy and with the holidays coming up - I really don't have much time for anything else...

So I am going to try and catch up on my blog....

Pink Eye....and Cookies....

I have pink eye! Boo Hoo! Not the viral kind, thank God. It's Allergic Conjunctivitis. STILL PINK EYE! Well anyway, not only do I think it's gross when my eyes are swollen shut when I wake up in the morning - but the constant itching and pain is enough to drive a person crazy. Thank God for cookies. LOL It always makes me feel better. Oh and also, the antihistamine eye drops that my Doc suggested I get. Ahhh relief, finally. Not sure if its the cookies or the drops, but I feel much better.

Joey's Pre-K Ceremony

Field Day....

Joey had a field day at school and it was so much fun to watch these kids run around and JUST BE KIDS. They're all so cute and I didn't realize how powerful Icee Popsicles can be. Because once handed to them, they all sat still on a log nonetheless and ate it. LOL.

UPDATE....Spring is here....Jordan turned 16 and Easter

It's been a while and I have to admit I have been slacking in posting on this blog. When I first started this, I wanted to make this a memory book for my little ones to remember when they get older. I was hoping that I would be good at updating it. Its been very slow but I am trying to do better.

Not much has happened since Christmas (my last post) - I turned 39 and recently Jordan turned 16. There was no celebration for turning 39 but we had a big party for the 16 year old.

That same day was Easter. So we had a dual celebration for my two boys. I wish my family were here to enjoy this day with us.